i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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