Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
