She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
