he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
