I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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