no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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