Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize