Im at strip club and am horny
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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