Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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