someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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