I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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