please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
