Can i not drive my cunt home
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We're not piercing ourselves today.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
