I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize