I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
