Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
