everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
