I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
