I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
