i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
