What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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