What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
oh god was she eating orange peels again
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize