You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
