help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
