we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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