i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
