Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
