On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
