she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
