I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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