I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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