I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
