i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Randomize
