We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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