Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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