After last night, I could never be a politician.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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