im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
