Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
false alarm, still single
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