from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
