There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
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