yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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