This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize