When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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