how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Let the clothes fall where they may.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
