the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I stole a fireplace last night.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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