Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
