I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Are my feet made of real feet?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
