does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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