i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You ruined the universe
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
