My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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