explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
