stop calling my apartment porn island.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
