just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
