Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
