Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
