I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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