evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
