My hand turned me down
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
