When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
