I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
