She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize