is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize
