I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
