Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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