Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
