Umm I'm too high to move.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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