I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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