What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
