Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
