She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
