shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
