i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
