I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
