if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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