my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
