He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The feeling are messing with the penis
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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