brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
