I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize