and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
