Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
