i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Boobs speak an international language.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
