All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
